The excitement of the Browns first preseason game was doused in tragedy for the Polanski family, as their beloved 'Uncle Richard' died suddenly in the 1st quarter of action.
Watching from the comfort of the home in Old Brooklyn, the Polanski's were abuzz with anticipatory football glee.
"We were all just so excited. Everyone kept saying 'Thank God football's finally here." Recalled a teary eyed Sharon Polanski, wife of Tom.
The buzz was to be killed, literally, by the amazing play-making skills of the Browns linebacker.
"Well, we invited Uncle Rich over because he's been so lonely over there ever since Aunt Gertrude died. Poor guy, first his wife explodes in a freak gardening accident, now this." Tom , Richard's nephew.
The Polanski's just purchased a brand new big screen HDTV with surround sound, which may have created a "too realistic" football experience for the old timer.
Apparently Uncle Richard had just finished eating his Pierogies & Basa, when he turned to watch the play that did him in.
Little Mikey Polanski tried to give us some play by play;
"The Chiefs snapped the ball and Kamerion went into his classic Nimbley Wimbley duck and f*&%. That's what my dad calls it, because Kamerion ducks down really low, then pops up and f*%$s up the offensive play." (At this point Sharon Polanski scolded Mikey for the foul language and glared at her husband who shrugged sheepishly)
"Kamerion Wimbley killed my great uncle, awesome!"
From what this writer could gather, (after Mikey was sent to his room for cursing) Uncle Richard was watching a replay of Wimbley on the first defensive series, when a close up of Kamerion's Flexor muscles conjured an old war flashback.
The old Uncle then yelled out "PANTHER!" and died.
"He fought in Nam. The only real action he saw was when he was attacked by a black panther near the Mekong Delta. I guess KW's pass rush reminded him of the attack."
An email from Browns GM Phil Savage issued an apology on Mr. Wimbley's behalf.
While our prayers go out to the Polanski family, we are extremely excited about Kamerion's continual development and ability to scare the bejesus out of people.
We apologize that his freakish forearm muscles ignite such fear in people that their hearts stop. Maybe we'll add a disclaimer to his jersey.......nah.
But really, ya'll laughed and scoffed when I drafted him, now he has 5 kills under his belt. Bunkley? Ngata? Please.
Yours,
Phil "If it weren't for me, ya'll would be f&*^ed" Savage
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